Raymond the Christian Pimp.
in Funny Stuff
as bodega, conviction, cracking up, december 7th, equity, equity building, friend kevin, good looking couple, harlem, harlem hospital, italian meal, Kev, reading, s type, self, street, way, Yep, yoga class
So I’m back in New York City.
At least for a minute, anyway.
And, man, I can tell.
I took a beautiful yoga class, visited the equity building and paid my dues, and also had a delicious organic Italian meal at a bodega on Bleecker street with my dear friend Kevin.
Those parts of New York City are lovely, but not necessarily hilarious. Well, except Kev. He’s pretty darn funny.
But then we got the A train and that’s when we met Raymond. He was born at Harlem hospital on December 7th, 1936, is a sagittarius, and a self proclaimed pimp. And a Christian. That’s what he said, “I’m a pimp. And a Christian.” And we didn’t know him well enough to argue one way or the other.
But yes.
Yes, I did laugh.
Raymond says he is very good at reading people–and immediately told me and Kevin that we are quite a good looking couple. “I hope you stay together,” he said, seriously.
“Oh, we love each other very much,” I said, just as seriously.
And we do.
Just not in the exact same way Kevin loves Brandon, is all.
“Do you think he’ll cheat on you?” Raymond asked me.
“Pretty sure this one won’t,” I said with conviction.
In fact, I’m positive that Kevin will never cheat on me.
“He loves you that much?” Raymond asked.
“Yep,” I said, thinking to leave it at that.
But Raymond the Christian Pimp was not quite done. “Until you meet a black man,” he told me, “You’ll never be satisfied.”
Poor Kev.
I mean, he told me this right in front of the guy who he thought was my boyfriend. True, I will never be kevin’s type, but Raymond didn’t know that.
“I’m just trying to help you,” he said, sounding a little exasperated, which may or may not have had something to do with the fact that Kevin, myself, and the people around us were all cracking up laughing.
“Listen,” Raymond the Christian Pimp said, “Why don’t you just go to my website?”
“And what’s that?” someone asked.
“I know sh*t dot com,” Raymond answered.
And then all of us lost it, even Raymond.
It’s good to be back in the city.
you don’t have to stay.
in MP3, Performance, video
as bin, course, gown, hospital, hospital gown, loony bin, note, sandwiches, self, shirt, time, Yum
I make songs.
And sometimes sandwiches.
Here is one of my songs.
Maybe next time I’ll show you one of my sandwiches.
Yum, sandwiches.
*note to self: don’t wear that shirt. Unless, of course, I want to look like I recently escaped from the loony bin, and am still wearing the hospital gown to prove it.
absolute, relative, and random.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as anxiety, date, dogs, dough, flux, instructor, kind, kneading dough, life, love, measuring stick, mom, personalities, perspective, random conversation, self, sleep, spirit, stick, way, while, yoga instructor
I just spent a while looking at the classifieds. Yes, folks, I’m gonna get myself some kind of job. The kind that pays money. It’ll be nice. I got all teary-eyed at the end of yoga tonight. My teacher is so kind and I love listening to what he says. Tonight he was reminding us [...]
Better. Hope. Here.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as better hope, confessions, current state, fates, gerbil wheel, gerbils, hamster, hamster wheel, heartbreak, idea, life, love, person, rhetorical question, self, state, talent, way, wheel
“I think I’m doing better,” I said quietly to my therapist this morning. Such confessions are better whispered, I think, so as not to tempt the fates. Well, I’d think that if I believed in the fates, I mean. But I am cautiously feeling like ‘better’ is a suitable way to describe my current state [...]
an elephant on my plate.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as counselor, crossing the delaware, Delaware River, elephant, enormous job, grief, happenstance, how to read a map, melody beattie, nobody, purpose, sad cry, self, self help book, self-help, swagger back, tiny pieces, today, women
I picked up a book by happenstance today. *note to self: nobody says ‘happenstance;’ at least not since George Washington was crossing the Delaware River. Something he did not do by happenstance, either. I am pretty sure Mr. Washington crossed rivers during wars on purpose. That’s the impression I get, anyway. But the nice thing [...]
life is a dance.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful that way, bullets, coalescence, conjecture, dance life, dancing, duck boots, idea, kind, lead, leaf, life is a dance, mail, minute, minute pop songs, music changes, nobody, pop, reaction, salve, self, squint, time
Life is a dance none of us tried to learn. We have become experts at tension and release; we are self taught and reluctant. We know nothing else, not even when the music changes– so we still dance. Slow and falling, like a leaf on a wind that is mightier than itself. We can only [...]
fire and night and a tired soul.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as Appleton Road, bruises, campfire, close, dancing, easy answers, embers, heat, home, house, inner dialogue, last dance, life, measuring stick, movement, peanut gallery, respectability, road, self, time
I smell like burning things and ashes and heat and outside. I smell like the night and the time of year when Pennsylvania becomes her wild, gypsy self all over again; she is movement and color and light dancing on the tops of the trees; she is here but fleeting, always fleeting, so you’d better [...]
oh, it’s late.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as 3am, birthday, Cause, clean clothes, heap, home, idea, joke, kind, lunch, midnight, red velvet, self, sister, sister jenna, suitcase, tomorrow
When you are exiting your home at eleven pm, it might not be a good idea to leave the sheets in the dryer. Because what will probably happen is you will get back at 3am and try to go to bed, only to realize that the sheets are still in the dryer. Shoot. And also–it’s [...]
bugs and frogs and squished and squashed.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as Auto, bugs, dead bug, Draft, english language, excellent point, FOUR, frog, frogs, house, human self, misfortune, need, nuances, road, self, side, skin, spot, toad, way
There is a bug that has not moved from his spot on my wall for weeks now. Literally. I wonder if he is dead; I wonder if a bug who is no longer alive can still stay stuck to a wall. And he’s not squished, mind you, he’s just stuck there. Like a sideways stand, [...]
you can’t take it back.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as Canada, color of your eyes, consolation prize, dandelions, drew, feigned sleep, Jason, Josh, morning, romance sex, Secret, self, tiny cracks, wake, way
There are some things you just can’t keep secret. Like the color of your eyes. But a secret. It’s powerful. It’s the only key to a lock that’s otherwise fast. And you can’t take it back. So what do you do when you remember all the secrets that he knows? All the tiny cracks that, [...]
