reading and pinching.
in Loved Ones, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as arteries, bottom of the hill, brokenness, bus, chinatown bus, co dependency, darnit, escape, grief, moment, reading, reading novels, scalpel, self help books, self-help, skin, story, wonderful things, yarn
Lately, I’ve been reading novels.
Yes, this is noteworthy, because I spent about two years reading just about every book on healing and co-dependency and heart-brokenness and grief that I could get my hands on.
And then one day I was just like, Huh, I think I’d like to read a good yarn again. Actually, I’m pretty sure I did not think the word yarn. I never think the word yarn. I mean, I don’t even know how to knit or crochet or any of the wonderful things more talented people than I do with yarn. But, I remembered that feeling of reading a story and escaping into the intrigue, the happy ending, the sadness, the whatever, but the point is–ESCAPING.
You know, for a moment, anyway.
Self-help books, though? They are not an escape. They are a scalpel. And they cut right through your skin, your veins, your arteries, until suddenly you’re bleeding out and there is your heart, all dissected and open on the chinatown bus. And you didn’t expect to be crying and making promises to yourself that you ARE committed to life, darnit; that you will NOT give up and you will no longer think about laying down in the stream at the bottom of the hill you grew up on. All this, while the guy next to you is snoring with his mouth open, and you’re embarrassed to look at it–well, embarrassed for him, anyway.
Right, so I’ve started reading novels again. And I love it. I love to read. Some of the sentences I just stare at for a while, they are so beautifully constructed. They are little masterpieces and I’m in a museum, page by page making my way through, nice and slow. Like it’s only one o’clock and the museum is open until nine.
Aside from reading novels, I am doing stuff like this.
“You are not very pinchable, Jess,” Eli, my nephew, tells me tonight.
“What do you mean, bud?”
“There’s just not much to pinch,” he says, though I notice it sure doesn’t keep him from trying.
“Oh–I’m skinny?”
“Yeah, skinny. Not pinchable,” he says, and that’s that.
And would you look at this little elfkin?
Cute as a button, that one.
But watch out! He pinches.
this is what it feels like.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful mess, beauty, Cheesecake, cheesecake factory, date, dear friend, God, Happy, heartache, kind, long time, mess, nobody, own skin, progress, relationship, respect life, skin, survivors, time
About every few months or so (sometimes longer, sadly) a dear friend of mine and I get together for a date. She lives pretty far away, and now even further, considering that I spend a lot of my time in NYC these days. We usually meet at the Cheesecake Factory. She doesn’t have one where [...]
in the rain.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as cats and dogs, city, city rain, cold city, front desk, grand central station, jack, jack daniels, love, niagra, phone, plastic, raining cats and dogs, sips, skin, sun, thought, time, ukelele
I just spent some time in a hot shower, washing off the cold city rain. Replacing it with some soap. Actually, I’m so tired right now that I cannot remember if I actually used soap in the shower. It’s a nice thought, though. I’d like to think that all of life is so simple. You [...]
some things I am thinking.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as breeze, breezes, city, date, different things, easy fit, fact that people, foreheads, half, home, interesting things, Jump, last time, lightening bolt, month of july, old adage, pair, portuguese, portuguese words, prayer, premarital sex, Rolling, scar, sex, skin, skirts, today, way, while
I am glad I didn’t die a year and a half ago; that is one prayer that I am grateful God decided not to grant. I would not have wanted to miss today. Did you see it? Feel it on your skin? It was like the breezes were chasing each other, and one of them [...]
the ocean again.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as afraid of tomorrow, beach, falling, good heart, heart, home, krista, ocean, photo, photo credit, skin, sun, tomorrow, Touch
*Today I did this. It was at the beach. But I guess you can tell. Doing that was not without some trying, either. Zach and I fell on each other a few times before it actually worked. Some things are worth falling over for a couple of times, I guess. Or more than a couple. [...]
conversations with god and the stars, I think.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as blue sky, conversations with god, date, deer friend, exact answer, fireflies, Gently, God, hand, kind, light switch, pretty faces, skin, small heart, sun, switch, warm breezes, watching the stars, way, while
The nighttime air feels soft on my skin. I like to go out in it. I feel much less restless there. I used to be scared of the dark; I used to be afraid something would sneak up on me. Not anymore. Not for a little while, now. Now I like to go out right [...]
what I heard and what I saw.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as bristles, close, dark hair, direction, downstairs, face, funny thing, invisalign, jest, kind, skin, Somebody, stink bug, stinkbug, timeshare, today, toothbrush, upstairs
“You look totally different with dark hair.I mean, your face, like, looks exactly the same. But your hair just looks really different.” Somebody said that to me in church today. I smiled and nodded and said, yes, that makes a lot of sense. Because it does. That is what happens when you color your hair, [...]
fashion.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as blog, brother jason, buds, Christian Bale, clothing, crazy outfits, day, fashion, foot, foot apparel, labor day, newsies, oliver, oliver twist, reflection, skin, skin tone, sneakers, tee, way
Okay, so yesterday I was getting ready for church. I pulled out a turquoise dress to wear over a cream colored little tee with faded branches and cherry buds throughout. I also wore my oliver twist boots that have replaced my favorite sneakers (until I find them, for find them, I will) as my most [...]
