I know better.
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as accordion, baby, brooklyn, cab driver, cake shop, conversation, doozy, happenstance, nobody, one of those days, question, random news, right, something, SPEAKER--if, sweet lady, tdbank, vowel
Right now, I am laying in a bed with freshly washed sheets, thinking about the things I said recently that made me sound rather moronic. Like, when I asked the guy in Brooklyn–WHEN HE WAS CLEARLY LUGGING AROUND A SPEAKER–if that was his accordion.
He had told me that he played the organ and something about the vowel sounds in organ made me think of the word accordion, and so, when I ran into him a little bit later by happenstance, I asked, “Oh! is THAT your accordion, then?”
Looking at the black, rectangular speaker that he was rolling around via dolly, he quietly answered, “It’s actually a speaker.”
I know that. I KNOW that. I know the difference between a speaker and an accordion. Oh, man.
But, that’s not nearly as bad as last night, when I asked a sweet lady the question that I know nobody should ask. Not unless you actually SEE a baby crowning, do you assume a woman is pregnant.
But, what did I do last night? After I played at the Cake Shop, I met a couple who just missed my performance because a cab driver had gotten them lost (and they aren’t from the city). Often, I try to talk to people about themselves; I don’t like all the attention on me, so I will include their lives in the conversation. So I said, “Oh my gosh! And you’re pregnant?!”
“No…I just had a baby…”
What do you say then? JUST KIDDING? You can’t. I ran right on ahead to the congratulations part of the conversation, but still.
I KNOW NOT TO ASSUME THAT.
Just like I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SPEAKER AND AN ACCORDION.
Now to actually act like I know these things, I suppose.
Oh well, the good (and random) news is that my sheets are clean. And so are my clothes at the moment.
Tomorrow is one of those days that is a bit of a doozy. A good doozy, don’t get me wrong, but a doozy, nonetheless. I have a rehearsal for an industrial gig for TDBank from 6-10 pm (which I am in charge of! Hello, my name is Jessica and I hardly like to be in charge of anything. Except maybe decorating my family’s Christmas tree. And, okay, some baking projects)–and right after that, I have to run on over to Sleep No More’s Story Telling concert in which I am getting all fancified up for in a vintage dress, some fishnets, and heels (thanks for the kicks, Bets!). While there, I will sing some songs–one of them being an eminem song on the ukulele. Another one being Sweet Child of Mine on the uke. And then another in which I get to play the piano (thank goodness!) and am just singing some background vocals (thank goodness again!).
I am actually really excited for it. Collaborating with other musicians–super talented musicians–is like getting to share the wealth. Wealth being music, in this case.
Hopefully, during this doozy of a day I will not say anything extraordinarily ignorant, rude, or stupid.
Here’s hoping.
uno.
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as bed face, call, christian kids, face down, garb, gonna, good conversation, Jase, kind, middle, mug, nice thing, phone, race, secs, sigh of relief, something, video, visuals, WEST
I woke up this morning and, while eating some cereal, spotted a mug. But not just any mug. Nope, this one had a few pictures of Latshaw West on it. Which made me realize how much I miss them. Which made me facetime them. But I made sure to wear my clothes and stuff.
Let me explain.
Before I had really gotten used to using facetime on my phone, I got a call from my brother one morning. But, a facetime call. So, you know, with video and stuff. Visuals. Anyway, I was in the middle of changing my clothes, but just picked up the phone anyway. Before you start praying for my brother’s eyes, let me assure you that he did not see a thing that I wouldn’t show the rest of the world.
Can we say HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF?
But.
I realized just in time, so said hello, then–before the screen really came to life–threw the phone on the bed, face down.
“Jessica?” Jase asked. “Are you there?”
“Yep!” I yelled, from a short distance. “Gimme two secs!”
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Putting a shirt on!”
“WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU ANSWER FACETIME WITHOUT A SHIRT ON?!” was what I heard next.
…
Well, that was quite a lesson, let me tell you.
Anyway, I facetimed Latshaw West and made sure to wear all the appropriate garb.
And then had a good conversation.
In which I realized something.
“I don’t think I’m gonna get married for a while yet,” I said to Darby, squarely into her face–that being the only thing I could really see. It was facetime, after all.
And the nice thing is that I was not lamenting this fact. Not at all, actually. I felt a kind of peace as I said this. And she nodded at me like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like it was a good thing, actually.
See, I come from this background where people get married very young. It’s a kind of race down the aisle for all the Christian kids–or at least, it can feel like that. It’s like marriage is the goal. What you do once you get there isn’t talked about so much–but marriage! DO IT! Which, incidentally, is more to the point of the race down the aisle, I think. You know: DO IT. Cause the idea for us Christian kids is to NOT do it until you’re married.
And then when my Plan A turned into a kind of Plan B that looked exactly like me not being married right now, I was devastated. A loved one even set a goal for me: “I think we can get you married by next fall,” he said.
Like it’s the middle ages and I am the Princess of Wales who needs to secure the line or something.
Like Craigslist has just the right space for me to place my personals add.
But ‘next fall’ came and went and, sure enough, I am not married. I am single. But, wonder of wonders, I am enjoying this. I do not believe I will be single forever–I try not to think of much in terms of FOREVER! or NEVER!, for that matter–but this season of life is pretty fun sometimes.
Plus the fact, I get scared of settling down with someone. I get scared that a bit of the adventure I love will drain away and I will be left staring at a television night after night, wondering who it is I am sharing a couch with and why he keeps trying to touch me; and if he gets me, truly gets me. Anyway, my point is that being single and waiting for the kind of man who makes me feel beautifully and wholly alive is way better than sitting next to some guy and feeling slightly numb, albeit warmer with him in my bed.
So, there you go. I’m single right now. And I’m okay with this. Not that I don’t ever want that magical thing called togetherness to happen–but, until it does, I sure am gonna enjoy right now for what it is.
let go.
in I Lift My Eyes Up
as alice in wonderland, change, clutches, free swish, John Legend, kind, knowledge, leggings, life, ottis redding, rabbit, something, sound of the wind, springtime, today, tomorrow, version, white knuckles, white rabbit, winter snow, wonderland
Tonight, I listened. To a friend tell me the kind of words that, in the past, have not gone down so easy. Not like listening to John Legend or Ottis Redding. That kind of thing goes down real easy; my heart becomes a bowl that can never quite catch enough of what they’re pouring, it [...]
the week in pictures.
in Loved Ones, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as bob, Buoyant, few words, friend kevin, friend nick, friendships, gift, girl, half, heart, Jess, life, little apple, lucky girl, mittens, new friend, nothing, puppy, sign, something, Speaking, tonight, water, year
And a few words, too, I guess. Today, I marveled at life. I’m feeling all whole and full inside lately. Buoyant, even. Like a little apple that continues to happily bob along in the water. It’s really good. Life is really good. And lately, I’ve been feeling it. “Nothing cataclysmically amazing has happened,” I told [...]
you’re better than that.
in Loved Ones, MP3, Performance, video
as aloneness, beautiful friend, blink, call, conversation, darling, decisions, dirt, familiarity, fluff, friend, hearts, kind, moon, poem, right, someone, something, song, standing, stop, story, today, Untouchable, vulnerability
I wrote this song today. I was thinking about some decisions I’ve made lately; mostly about who I want to get close to. And then I thought about a friend I have. A dear and beautiful friend with whom I recently shared a conversation. “You know you’re better than that, right?” I said, after listening [...]
what we say backstage.
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as call, cheater, God, kind, long time, none, none of that stuff, nothing but the truth, proverb, question, relationships, something, something is better than nothing, stage, tastes, time, truth, witness
I have this lovely friend. She and I talk about boys. The lovely and the lame–we talk about them all. Well, the ‘all’ that we’ve known at least. We sit on the set bed while it’s backstage and we discuss. We don’t sit on it while it’s onstage and discuss, cause we’d probably be fired [...]
not the best, but it doesn’t even matter, really.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as anything, beat, blue eyed girl, body, BOOM, boom boom boom, bum, change, class, corner, crazy things, dancer, dreams, drummers, girl, Guy, half, heart, hour and a half, kind, love, mea, person, poem, presence, Read, samba, Shakespeare, Shakespeare--maybe, shy, something, tra, truth, wonderful things, wonderland, world
I will say it: I am not the best dancer in the world. Truth is, I am not the best anything in the world. But that doesn’t really matter. Because who is? Not being The Best In The World is peripheral compared to this: What is it that you love? And I mean real love. [...]
love and s***.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as aisle five, contrast, curse words, dad, depravity, home, life, love, lunch, mess, mom, pain, redemption, salad, someone, something, spill, transcendence, ugliness, waste
I’ve been writing a lot lately, but not necessarily on here. It’s interesting, my life is no longer an open book. I have a few secrets again. It’s nice to no longer be the spill in aisle five; the box that was broken open, its contents poured out for all to see. It’s nice to [...]
late late late late late night.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as blast, chorus line, conversations, course, friend john, home, kind, last word, late night, life, love actually, lovely thing, mid town, recent article, something, time, time jess, train, truth, way
Oh man oh man oh man. I did not intend to stay out until three-thirty tonight. We had an A Chorus Line reunion down in mid-town and I totally thought I’d go hang out for a bit and then hop on the train and make my way home. I forgot to take into consideration how [...]
