a date! and a song!
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as baby bunny, Charis, day, drew, Esther, hugs not drugs, Jason, Larry, life, need of prayer, Ollie, slip and slides, song, time, tonight, vietnamese food, Xerxes
My life is rich.
I mean, look at him.
We went on a date tonight. I agreed to drive since he’s underage and all and when I picked him up he had a lovely yellow sparkly card for me. Yellow. Of course. And inside the card, he thanked me for taking him on a date and told me that he loves me.
Like I said, my life is rich.
He also informed me that he wanted to get me flowers, but unfortunately ran out of time. Understandable. He had a very busy day of slip and slides and play-making, from what I heard over dinner tonight. And really, it’s the thought that counts. Well, at least in this case, anyway.
We went to Ollie’s favorite restaurant and had some amazing Vietnamese food. And then had some ice cream at Friendly’s, which is always perfect, if you ask me. We also saw a baby bunny eating some grass outside and how hilarious this sentence would be if I swopped out eating for smoking.
But hugs, not drugs, baby bunny!
It was an altogether adorable night and I think I might love one-on-one time with people I love more than anything else.
And yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking with a man named Larry on the phone about buying a certain bedroom set that I never do want to see again. We were talking about addresses and what his ETA might be to pick it up when all of the sudden he started talking me through it. What? I know, that’s how I felt too. He was telling me that he had been divorced, too. TOO. You know, me and Larry. So much in common. And that he had gotten through it. And then he told me that he’d pray for me and that’s real nice, it really is, but it’s bad enough getting random Larrys out and about buying your bed, but when they start praying for you too…Well, let’s just say that’s when you’re like, yep. this is my life. take a nice inhalation because this is what it smells like–larry praying for you.
And nope, I am not an ounce above Larry’s prayers.
But seven months ago my life didn’t look quite so much like it was in such obvious need of prayer by total strangers who are buying my bed. Not a complaint, though; just an observation. And I am not crying or anything; I actually think it’s kind of funny.
Oh, and tonight I got home to a quiet and dark house. This might sound creepy, but I kind of like it. Because there was the piano, all begging to be played and it was like, you spend all day with kids and they make you necklaces out of gimp and you wear them! and yet you’re gonna just walk on by…?
So I was like, You’re right, piano. And if you made me a necklace out of gimp, I’d wear it too.
So I sat down and played and then I decided to play a ballad that I wrote for the play my brother wrote that he asked me to turn into a musical by way of adding tunes. And if you are an editor, please, have yourself a field day with that terrible sentence.
And there was one song in particular that strikes a chord with me. Jason emailed me, asking me if I would have a very hard time writing a sad song for Esther to sing; that this song should be something about how Xerxes (which happens to be Drew’s screen name for just about everything, ironically enough) falls very short of his role as husband and how Esther is a woman of worth, despite how she is treated by him.
Do you think you could handle writing something like that? he asked, more than a little tongue in cheek.
So I sat down and wrote it in just a few minutes, it felt. Bam. Here’s a little bit of what’s happened to me, a little bit of my childhood, and a little bit of hope anyway.
It’s called You’ll Know Him. And my niece Charis sure did knock it out of the park when she sang it on stage, by the way.
not a sad song tonight.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as armor, chink, constant companion, heart, home, Jess, little stream, minor chords, new melody, Pinocchio, song
My heart is full today.
So full, that you might even say it’s heavy.
And so I needed to go. Just go. It’s hard to explain, really. But there’s something about hiking outside that puts a tiny chink in whatever armor is holding in that heavy feeling in my heart. As I walk, I can feel my heart get lighter. And then sometimes I cry, too, and that seems to help. Like once again, it’s another chink in that armor of sadness. And tear by tear, it drains away.
Until I found myself sitting at a little stream. I listened to the way the water sounded like a mama saying Shhhhhhhh to her baby, reminding that baby that it was gonna be okay; you’ll see, little one.
And I will see.
Sometimes I already do. And sometimes I don’t, but that’s okay because looks aren’t everything. Not in a person and not in your life. But still, they certainly do help.
I got back home and decided to write some music. For a while, nothing was coming. Sure, little bits–but nothings that begged to be made into a whole song. I kept getting stuck in minor chords and I was there, repeating the same rhetoric since November last and frankly, I felt tired of it.
Sort of tired of everything.
But not the sky. Which is why I had to sit at the window for a while and watch it get darker; watch the nighttime perform the gentlest, most peaceful coup ever as daylight just sort of stepped out the back door and didn’t mind the break anyway. Let nighttime have its chance, it doesn’t take away from the day just like somebody else singing their songs detracts nothing from you singing yours.
And then finally, I went home. I still felt restless inside, but on the walk home I felt a new melody drop into my head. And it was all, There’s more where that came from. Come on, Jess, just listen. I’m here, talking. Just listen and then write down what you hear.
So not to argue with a melody, I did just that.
And it was a nice break from the sad songs that have been my constant companion these past months.
It’s a sweet song and I like it, I think.
But enough talking about it, here you go–a little rough version of the thing that begged to be made in a real song, much like what Pinocchio the toy boy (not to be confused with boy toy!) did with Geppetto.
you don’t come around here anymore.
in Performance, video
as face, hasn, November, October, song, truth of the matter, way
I wrote this song back in October. Or maybe November. And I was too embarrassed to show it then, because I didn’t want people to know that I wasn’t loved anymore. I was still working really hard at pretending like things were good. My face would hurt from the way I’d arrange my features, thinking [...]
thoughts and a song for you tonight.
in Funny Stuff, MP3, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as bathroom, Fair Hill, God, Guy, hold ups, Jesus, Shane, song, time, uofd, warm weather, way, weather, weather baby, weather reports
I think that I like weather reports very much because, in a way, they are a small glimpse of what my life will look like in the future. And yes, I realize it’s the very near future–and a faulty prediction at that. But, still. At least when the ladies gather round me in the church [...]
change everything.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings, video
as art, benefit of the doubt, black, black and white, complexities, douchebag, hand gestures, pop, realization, song, strange things, way
Oh, here you go. It’s a song. I wrote it recently and so far, have only played it for my pop. He seemed to like it very much. But he seems to like most of what I do. It’s the things that I don’t do that he seems to not like as much. Like when [...]
you betta work, akismet.
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as blog, cupcake party, Esther, God, going to have a party, Haiti, irish creme, logical conclusion, right, Shane, something, song, stage, tooth fairy
So, this is a random thought and somebody who wrote the book on how to blog probably said not to ever start a post with a random thought. I’m sure of it, now; it was in chapter three, right after the chapter about keeping your blog posts short and sweet and goodness me, never over [...]
Ingrid, live.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as chain, everybody, everything, Ingrid, Ingrid Michaelson, Japan, jokester, laugh track, michaelson, Mindy, place, place in my heart, small man, song, thread
So, Ingrid Michaelson. I have to say she was worth everything it took to go see her. Not that it was a lot on my part, per se. Especially when compared to the times you hear about people doing some street side vigils to get tickets. Or staying on the phone for hours. Or paying [...]
bust your windows.
in MP3, Thoughts and Feelings
as accident, door, drew, facebook, horrible mess, kind of fascination, negative word, New Zealand, nieces and nephews, something, song, word
Someone told me that for every negative word you hear, it takes seven positive words to combat it. I wonder if that works for memories. If so, I’m gonna need some great ones. I’m talking a trip to New Zealand. No, better make that Narnia. Complete with talking animals. And they better say some really [...]
My name is Jessica and this is a nice, quiet space that I like to cram with words.
