lucky and stuff.
in Loved Ones, Performance, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as caps, earphones, FOUR, friday night, friday nights, girl, help, kind, lucky girl, muscles, polo shirt, pop, purse, rap, recording, snare drum, song, ukulele, weight
“This is for you,” my pop told me, handing me an adorable little purse across the table tonight.
“It’s a recording present…and it has a ukulele on it!”
And look at that–isn’t it so adorable? I am one very lucky girl.
And WE DID IT!
We recorded FOUR SONGS in just under TWO DAYS. And, I must say, I am so excited about these tracks. I keep listening to them. In fact, I went to the gym tonight (yes, I’m the girl who goes to the gym on a Friday night. Romantic, I know)–but, I was in the weight room and listening to this one part of my song that breaks down into a rap. And there’s this rolling snare drum that just makes me SO EXCITED (that’s why I used caps, guys, cause caps are EXCITING!), I cannot help but dance when I hear it. So, I am standing there with one weight in my hand while the rest of me is sort of dancing, when one of the trainers walks up to me.
“What are you listening to that’s making you dance?” he asks.
And for a second, I can’t even hear him, my music is blasting so loud through my earphones. I see that he’s not going to stop asking me whatever it is he’s asking, so I regrettably stop the music and listen to his question.
And am instantly embarrassed and evasive.
“Oh…” I say, scrambling to think of something–ANYTHING!–other than: “Myself. I am listening to myself and it’s making me dance. And, oh yeah. I don’t go on dates on Friday nights–I go to the gym. At least you’re here because you’re getting paid to be here; I cannot say the same about myself…”
Right, so I don’t want to say that, so I say, “Oh…it’s nobody you would know…” and just kind of hope he goes away.
But he keeps standing right in front of me, staring, muscles bulging through his polo shirt, looking like he’s ready to talk to me about whatever it is that’s making me dance —even if it takes all night. Or at least until ten, when the Y closes.
“What kind of answer is that?!” he says, “Come on, what are you listening to?!”
“Uh…myself? I am listening to myself…” I finally admit. “I didn’t want to tell you that I was dancing to my music. That’s kind of embarrassing to be caught doing. I mean, I never thought anyone would ever ask me what was making me dance…”
And then that led to a whole conversation about me being a musician and then another guy came over and, having talked to me at my parents’ Y last time I was in town, asked me if I’ve cut some weight. Cut some weight. Not lost it. Huge body building men have their own language, guys. So I admitted that I might have. “But not on purpose–I’ve just been so busy lately, that I keep forgetting to eat.”
Which, once these guys got over the shock and incredulity of anyone EVER forgetting to eat, of all things, led to us talking about what’s happened since youtube happened to me.
And then I came home and played the tracks for my parents and one of their dogs. Strider seemed to enjoy it. Well, he slept through it, but he seemed to enjoy whenever I scratched his ears–and my tracks were playing when I was doing it–so there’s that. My parents listened to it in a kind of reverie, smiling or moving a little or closing their eyes (but unlike Strider, I am pretty sure they didn’t fall asleep).
My nephew and brother are geniuses in the studio. Their help is immeasurable and I could not do this without them.
Like I said, I am one lucky girl.
on missing.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as b minor chord, charity event, child, chord, fashion designer, laundry, laundry room, missing the moon, moon, music practice, party, person, rap, song, Sweet, sweet child, treetops, ukulele, way, what the heck
I should be practicing. I should be figuring out what the heck a B minor chord looks like on a ukulele. I should be memorizing the lyrics and the chords to Sweet Child of Mine, since I am collaborating on that–along with another song–for a Sleep No More post party at the end of the month. I should be finishing writing this dear little song that keeps running around in my head. I cannot figure out if it’s a rap or not. I should be figuring this out.
But, instead, I am writing.
Because I am feeling some things right now, and I thought I’d write them down. See if I can’t breathe a little bit easier because of it; the way it’s always been since I was a little girl and would write out my feelings until the feelings didn’t feel so big and overwhelming anymore.
I used to be able to see the moon from my window, growing up.
The moon and the treetops. I would stare at that patch of sky for so long some nights. I am missing the moon tonight. I am missing my piano. I am missing a person, too. Not anyone in particular, strangely enough; there is nobody to miss that way. He is gone. Every he that has ever been here is gone. Not that there have been many. But, for me, one has always been enough, anyway.
I think I will sneak down to the laundry room soon; play some music. Practice and write. Last night, my first attempt at this failed miserably when I ended up way too close to a guy with alcohol on his breath. He kept asking me questions and questions and questions. I think he was drunk; I know I was scared. I didn’t like it. So I left and went back into my apartment. And then I was annoyed because all I wanted to do was play music in peace and, instead, I ended up playing 20 questions with a man who does not practice the art of subtlety.
Tonight, I met a guy at this pre-meeting for a fashion designer charity event I am performing at next week. “Where do you like to go when you go out?” he asked me. And I realized something: I didn’t really have anything to say, other than open mics. And studios. And my laundry room.
But I do go places all the time. I go explore the city. I jump on the subway and see where it will take me. I look for bookshops. Thrift stores. Patches of Central Park I have yet to see. I hear there’s a part with sailboats; I’d like to see that. I just don’t know where the coolest clubs are, I guess. I still feel ridiculous at bars. I never know what drink to order; the music is too loud to speak over; and unless I am playing, I wonder how long is an appropriate amount of time to spend there before I can leave.
But I do love this city. Just today, I was walking through Soho and the little shops all in a row thrilled me. So did the perfect cup of hot chocolate I quietly sipped in the corner of a cafe.
I just sometimes miss the moon.
And I really miss my piano.
And him. No, I don’t miss him. I just sometimes miss…somebody…I guess I don’t know him. And that’s okay. Most of the time, anyway, that’s perfectly okay with me. But then there are nights like this. When I start out missing the moon and all my 88 keys and then it goes to missing a person, too. All those things I am not seeing and feeling right now jump on the bandwagon together, I guess, and what a bandwagon it is.
What a bandwagon it is.
But the part of life where I am singing a private little concert for some designers and publicists in a sun-lit room with the Hudson at my back?
That part is pretty sweet.
Makes the bandwagon look a little ridiculous, I guess, after all.
a show and some thoughts and some socks, too. dry ones.
in Performance, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as confession, crowd, delicates, dry socks, facebook, gift, hand, irrational fear, kind, life, panties, precious gift, show, song, sound man, Taller, thought, time, underwear
I had a show last night. It was dreamy. Many people were packed into the small bar and they were listening. A listening crowd is a precious, precious gift; one that I don’t take lightly. The sound man snapped at me while sound checking. Confession: whenever someone yells at me, I instantly feel a). five [...]
my song is on itunes; and life is life is life is life is life.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as broadway show, canvas tote bag, chinatown bus, chorus line, deep sense, everything, expressive language, face, God, half, hubbub, practice kindness, reason, reservoir, song, spring, tears in my eyes, tomato, tomato soup, way
There is a half eaten bowl of tomato soup right next to me. At first, I almost burnt it because I was so distracted with all the hubbub of my song going live on itunes. And then, after barely rescuing it from that, I let it go cold before I could even finish it. And, [...]
on the television and what I think and how I accidentally almost stole my cabbie’s identity today.
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance
as best compliments, bridge, cabbie, choruses, Eat, fare, fox studios, God, idea, mc hammer, onset, phone, second verse, sense of direction, song, sound of the rain, television, today, Touch, ukulele, vampire, Vampires, verse
Take it in. Breathe. Eat. Sleep. These are phrases–no, commands!–that I am hearing an awful lot of recently. And I am trying; really, I am. Would you like to know what, exactly, I was ‘taking in’ while I was playing and singing on the tv this morning? Why the heck did I write such a [...]
Ain’t my friend (lyrics/chords).
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as baby, bridge, call, everything, feelings, fly, friendship, fuss, little bit, lyrics and chords, melodies, Oh-oh-oh, pain, redemption, song, time, truth, two cents, wanna, way
I’ve seen a lot of requests for the lyrics and chords of this song bouncing around the Internet. So, I figured I’d put them in one place to refer people to, when asked. It’s funny, when I wrote this song over the summer, I never imagined so many people would hear it, let alone like [...]
I’m happy cause they’re happy that I’m happy.
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as artwork, atmosphere, Cause, couch, health insurance, insurance, kid, kind, laundry, many a night, moisture, occurrences, person, pop, sad times, sandwich, song, starters
Tonight, I sat on my parents’ couch and blinked back tears. I did not let on, though, that there was any kind of moisture pooling in my eyes, because I did not feel like crying. Well, okay, I felt like crying, since I kind of was crying, I guess–but I didn’t wanna commit to the Sob [...]
you’re better than that.
in Loved Ones, MP3, Performance, video
as aloneness, beautiful friend, blink, call, conversation, darling, decisions, dirt, familiarity, fluff, friend, hearts, kind, moon, poem, right, someone, something, song, standing, stop, story, today, Untouchable, vulnerability
I wrote this song today. I was thinking about some decisions I’ve made lately; mostly about who I want to get close to. And then I thought about a friend I have. A dear and beautiful friend with whom I recently shared a conversation. “You know you’re better than that, right?” I said, after listening [...]
colors in my closet make me happy.
in there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as Army, closet, declaration of independence, Duh, encouragement, faint of heart, favorite things, founding, founding fathers, jumpers, kind, love, matching pairs, missing socks, no doubt, person, song, tutus, ukulele, way
There are some things that make me happy. What does the Declaration of Independence say–something about holding these truths to be self-evident? Well, yes. And one of these self-evident truths (which is basically a really fancy way to say DUH! Oh, those founding fathers were sassy, no doubt) is my love of color. As I [...]
