real real something (stream of consciousness).

I like the word real.
As in, that’s real real good. Or even no, that’s real bad.
I know that isn’t correct English, that one should say, That’s really good! and then proceed to live some kind of sterile life, devoid of ever really hurting and devoid of every really loving.
I just feel like saying, That’s real real good says something.
Do you feel me?
And no, I am not asking you to go on and touch me, because no, that’s not necessary at all; feeling someone like that really isn’t in most day-to-day occurrences.
Like when I was out to dinner with my mom and Strider (who is a dog, but yes, he did go out to dinner with us. We were seated outside, though, on a patio, and so it was totally legit. And now mom loves to tell my pop that “Strider loves to dine out!” which is funny and the kind of thing one person who really loves their dog tells another person who really loves their dog, I think).
But I was out to dinner and the waiter was telling us a story about how he got all these stitches on the crown of his head.
And then he was like, “You can feel them, if you want.”
And I didn’t.
I didn’t want to and I didn’t do it, either.
Because that kind of feeling was completely and utterly not necessary.
But the kind of feeling I meant when I asked if you feel me–that is just simply me wanting to know if you know what I mean.
I say that a lot, I’ve realized.
I often end sentences with You know what I mean?
I wonder if this is irritating to others.
I think that we all like to be understood and we all like to know that whatever it is we are communicating–be it how good a sandwich is (real real good) or how much it hurt when you found out that he wasn’t coming back because, as it turns out, he doesn’t even exist, not the he you thought he was, anyway (real real bad)–that there are people listening to you. And after you’ve used so much breath and shaped so many words against your tongue and your teeth and your lips, you want to know if that was worth it; you want to know if anybody but you gets it, too.
Because life is a lot about feeling.
not just what we happen to be feeling, no; if you think that, then you get stuck in whatever it is that goes and lands inside your own heart and funny little mind and the world gets smaller along with your view because all you see is you you you;
no, life is about feeling each other, I think.
and trying to get each other.
and learning when it is that you just don’t and that’s okay, but you don’t, so you quietly trust that someone will come their way and get them, but it doesn’t have to be you this time; it can’t be you this time.
but then, when you do get someone and they get you?
oh…well then, you feel it.

and it’s real real good.