lost. really pretty lost.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as blank expression, call, corner, everything, expression, google, google maps, home, house, kirkwood soccer club, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, phone, quitter, soccer game, thick accent, thuggish, tonight, what the heck
Tonight the stars are obscured by the clouds and there is not much that is far-seeing at all. Including myself.
I got lost this evening. In the lovely area here in Delaware known as Price’s Corner. And yes, it is just as unromantic and uninspiring as it sounds. My google maps app quit working and then I thought I would just call someone and ask for help. Which is when my phone just quit working altogether.
Timing is everything.
I asked a man with a very thick accent if he knew where I was trying to go–um, I didn’t say that, verbatim, I wasn’t baiting him, asking him to guess my destination. No, I was like, “Do you know how to get to Kirkwood Soccer Club?”
With a blank expression, he repeated Kirkwood Soccer Club in his very thick accent and I knew that he would be about as helpful as my quitter of a phone.
Then I asked a thuggish guy for help; he told me that I didn’t want to go there. It was dark and late, why would I want to go there?
“To watch a soccer game?” I guessed. But it wasn’t actually guessing, because I knew: that’s why I wanted to go there.
He kept convincing me I didn’t want to go. Finally, I acquiesced. To a point, anyway. I still wanted to go, but I realized that I just couldn’t. Because I didn’t know how to get there. So I went home, instead. And wouldn’t you know it, the second I pulled up to my house my phone was all, “Oh hi. I’m here now–did you need me?”
It feigned innocence.
And I was like, “Don’t. Even.”
And it was like, “What? I’m not perfect and neither are you, so let’s just call it even.”
And really, my phone had a point.
I’m really not perfect. Sometimes I feel like I don’t do well at this business of living at all. Sometimes I wonder what the heck is going on and just how many times am I going to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before something happens.
But really, I know–I KNOW–that life is happening all the time. It just feels tiring tonight.
And then I fill the bathtub with the hottest water Pennsylvania has ever seen and submerge myself in it; then I go to bed. I eventually fall asleep and then the sun wakes me up in the morning with a light that reveals something new.
I hope, anyway.
dumb dumb dumb
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings
as blah, Christian, dumb thing, hugs not drugs, man, part, societal expectations, thick accent, thing, tylenol, tylenol pm, wanna
Oh, I do dumb things sometimes.
Okay, so I did a dumb thing once.
Ha.
I think I will have to stick with my original statement.
Like the time I was really sad and afraid of the night, afraid of the quiet, afraid of my thoughts, and decided it would be a good idea to take a tylenol pm. Well okay, I took a tylenol pm four times. And everyone was all, Is that a good idea? Are you gonna be okay? Blah blah blah we care we care we care while I was all, Blah blah blah I wanna sleep wanna sleep wanna sleeeeeeeeep.
I mean, it’s not like I took five or anything.
And then my friend Christian came over to talk some sense into my sad little brain and by the end of our talk I was really feeling the effects of my decision concerning the dosage of the tylenol pm and abruptly announced that I was either going to have to sit down or throw up.
To which he responded, Well then sit down!!!
And I guess that’s why he’s a good counselor; he regularly gives sound advice like that.
But I did one even better than that. I went to bed and proceeded to sleep like the dead, waking up about thirteen hours later feeling like Rumpelstiltskin rising out of bed with that niggling thought that you are probably late for something.
But yeah, that was kind of dumb. And for the record, I highly agree with the sentiment expressed in hugs not drugs. And also for the record, I think hugs can be kind of weird. Like a slow dance without the music. Especially when they’re lingering and you’d rather have moved on to the next stage of societal expectations, thank you.
But some hugs.
They can be really sweet.
I will say that.
Now onto my next dumb thing I’ve done.
Today, in fact.
There was a man who looked Russian nearby, so we had that in common, I guess. The looking Russian part, not the man part. Ew. Man part. Okay, moving on. But, in a thick accent, he told me that I have a beautiful body.
I know, creepy alert number one.
So I thanked him and then he asked me if I am a model.
So I said no, that I’m a dancer.
Professional? he asked. Yes, I answered.
And then he told me that he has lots of jobs available for dancers and asked me for my card. And I know, Jason, I need to get a card. But I told him I didn’t have one, so I could give him my email address.
And then he offered the option of me giving him my number.
And yes, probably another creepy alert.
And remember how I sometimes do dumb things? Well case in point: I did it. I gave him my number. But (deep breath)
Idon’teverhavetotalktohimbecauseIdon’thavetoanswermyphoneifhecalls
andnowthatIthinkaboutitIdon’tthinkhisjobsareevenlegitimate.
But I admit, it was a dumb thing to do.
Here’s to tomorrow; a blank slate.
Here’s to better choices and all that.
