First page of the thing archive.

red like my hair and like that color I love.

Posted by jessica on Jul 19, 2010 with 22 Comments
in Funny Stuff, Thoughts and Feelings, photography
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I woke up today not really knowing that this was going to happen.

The whole I-sort-of-have-red-hair-now thing.

See, I went to the salon with the idea of trying to make them match my roots. I do like the blonde hair, but the maintenance! That color is demanding, what with the roots being all exhibitionists, starting their parade only the day after I get my hair all blonde again.

Also, I could feel my hair getting more and more grumpy about the bleach and I was starting to remember with fondness the good ole’ days when my hair was soft.

But when you go from so very blonde to darker, there has to be a filler involved, meaning some kind of crazy color that’s applied in between. So my stylist was applying a blood red (no lie, it was like the halloween special) color to my hair and all these people were passing by and telling me how awesome it looks and really? you’re not keeping it that color?! well, have you thought of it, at least?

No, I have never thought of making my hair match Ronald McDonald’s, believe it or not.

But.

Then other stylists were all saying that I should consider a red, because it just looks sooooooo good…So I caved. But I suggested something darker and there was a compromise and this is what happened cause what kind of work did we do today? TEAMWORK!

And I kind of really like it, actually.

My pop loves it and my mom said her standard line for when she doesn’t like my hair: You’d look beautiful bald, Jess.

Thanks, mom. What a rave review for my new do.

And what else?

Well, I was informed straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, that a certain someone is dating again. And the nice thing is that it really doesn’t hurt me at all. I actually was quite curious about it, asking questions, though he was hesitant to answer and finally said he didn’t know how appropriate it was to talk to me about this. So I told him, Well, it’s a whole lot easier hearing about the girl you are dating this time around than it was last time around.

And it’s true.

There’s actually no comparison.

And I also started therapy today. Sitting in the waiting room for my very first session was an interesting experience too; I kept looking around at the other people waiting and wondering what it was that they were in here for. I actually felt a little nervous, like I was about to audition.

But then my therapist introduced herself and I was immediately put to ease and guess what? I really like her. I think we are going to get along just fine and she also told me that she has no doubt that I am going to be just fine. She said it just like that, with as much assurance as you would tell me that my hair is now red and goodness, but it felt good to hear.

I am excited to meet with her again, actually. She has kind blue eyes and she’s already on my side and I can tell her about everything and it took me an hour to even tell her about some of it, so to paraphrase that book by Dr. Suess, Oh! The Places We’ll Go!

There’s no telling, but I have a good feeling about it.

grateful.

Posted by jessica on Jun 14, 2010 with 9 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings, photography
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One fun thing about leggings is that they have no pockets.

Okay, so that’s not like the most fun thing, but bear with me.

Because see, since they have no pockets, that means that I hand my camera over to other people  to store in their pockets for the day.

Thank God not all of us are in the habit of wearing leggings. Although, Jase did admit today that they do look quite comfortable.

But by the end of the day, I find pictures that I didn’t even know were taken.

Like this one, compliments of my sister Jenna.
And there are so many things that I love about this picture. Our shadows stretching out long behind us, mingling with each other. The light spilling out over the mountain, like the sky alone can no longer contain its rays so the mountain steps in to bear some of the grand burden of light.

And the sense of togetherness, too. How we’re all walking in the same direction, resolutely, almost.

It makes me think of another picture. One that was taken about six months ago, out here in California, too.

And I love this picture so much.

But it’s interesting. Ollie’s little hand in mine felt like a role reversal. Usually it’s the adult bringing comfort to the kid, right? But at that time in my life, he was comforting me; he didn’t know it, but he was helping to fight what came over me so easily then: a feeling of aloneness.

And that other picture has a greater feeling of being surrounded. Again, of togetherness. Which is about right, presently.

And these days when people ask me how I am, there’s one word that comes to mind: grateful. And yes, I’m so much more; life is usually evoking more from me than one word affords.  But still, when I was showering tonight, washing out the Pacific Ocean from my hair, I couldn’t help but remember how good life is and how it comes and goes, like the waves that beat upon the shore, taking and giving but always remaining mysterious and awesome and interesting and full of magic and when the waters recede, I think I’m still here; when the waters recede, I know I’m still here.

And I’m grateful.

kneading and needing.

Posted by jessica on May 14, 2010 with 9 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
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I made some sweet rolls today. And that’s not much, I guess. Not when compared to the people who come home from their work and write something on their blog, respectively, that sounds more like I made a rocket ship today or I danced for the President today or even I invented that break-away pump [...]

parades.

Posted by jessica on May 11, 2010 with 20 Comments
in Funny Stuff, photography
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I have only ever been in two parades. For some of you, this might seem like quite a lot, actually. But considering the amount of times I have performed in front of people, I think that is a rather low number of parades. My first parade was a job. A paying job. But in hindsight, [...]

in which I make you look at an adorable puppy and then you thank me.

Posted by jessica on Apr 19, 2010 with 25 Comments
in Thoughts and Feelings, photography
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There are some things that are so cute, I bite my teeth. And this seems to be involuntary; I cannot help it. When something is too cute for words, I set my jaw so that my chin sticks forward a little–successfully maneuvering an underbite–and then I bite down. I’m not sure why. But there are [...]

nope, it’s not fair.

Posted by jessica on Apr 19, 2010 with 26 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
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Life is unfair. And I actually wouldn’t change that. Huh? I know, that’s strange. But hear me out. It’s not like I’m a misogynist. Oops, wait, that’s not what I mean. Well, I’m not a misogynist because, as it turns out, I don’t hate women. Like, at all. That’s like saying I hate people named [...]

break-up rhetoric. mostly.

Posted by jessica on Apr 14, 2010 with 32 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
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It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t spend much time with me today. If you had, I might have told you that I don’t get your metaphor. Which is what I said to my pop tonight, and then immediately regretted it. Because, see, I did get it. It was something about a snake and [...]

april 7th, huh?

Posted by jessica on Apr 13, 2010 with 35 Comments
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
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I’m tired. I’m wearing shiny blue spandex. I owe North Caroline four dollars. You know, it’s been that kind of a day. But the bookends, they were nice. The morning was lovely. Full of the sun, full of this state park that the locals call Seven Thousand Acres; full of glimpses of deer that were [...]

yes, the walk was worth four dollars.

Posted by jessica on Mar 5, 2010 with 18 Comments
in Funny Stuff, I Lift My Eyes Up, photography
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So it saves you a dollar to live in MD. Well, at least if you park your car in Fair Hill. Next time I go to MacDonald’s with a Marylander (and there are a few in my own family), thanks to Fair Hill, I think they should probably buy me something from the dollar menu. [...]

dumb dumb dumb

Posted by jessica on Feb 6, 2010 with 26 Comments
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Oh, I do dumb things sometimes. Okay, so I did a dumb thing once. Ha. I think I will have to stick with my original statement. Like the time I was really sad and afraid of the night, afraid of the quiet, afraid of my thoughts, and decided it would be a good idea to [...]