First page of the those eyes archive.

chase your dreams (you will fail).

Posted by jessica on Dec 23, 2010 with 8 Comments
in Thoughts and Feelings
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Oh shoot.

I just laid down in my bed and happened to glance up at the ceiling only to see a spider directly above me. Perched. Were he to glide down his gossamer thread, he’d be right near my face. This is no good, I tell you; no good at all.

But I am really tired. And there is always the possibility of trying to kill him and missing. Which makes things worse. Cause then you not only have a spider nearby, but you have an angry spider nearby. An enemy. With all those eyes.

Shoot shoot shoot.

Oh, well. This is when I remember that way worse has happened to me than a skinny spider biting me while I sleep. I will take my chances tonight.

Isn’t that what we do all the time anyway? Take our chances, I mean? Not necessarily with spiders, but with life. We walk around, freely. We grow close to others. We hand our hearts over just like we’d hand over the keys to that old LeSabre. We are perfect targets. We are wonderfully imperfect targets. A glorious mash of guts and bones and nerves and thoughts and dreams and arms and legs. We are soft and vulnerable–everywhere, just about. We are silly creatures, given to hope and dreaminess and a penchant to fall in love and give just about every last cell away.

And no, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My brother Jason and I were in a store the other day and saw a t-shirt that said this:

CHASE YOUR DREAMS

YOU WILL FAIL!

There was a unicorn and a fairy pictured in between the two lines. We laughed about that shirt and Jase said he kind of wanted it. And the thing is, it’s true. Both lines are equally true. You should chase your dreams, absolutely. Just because you will fail at some point, does not mean that you should stop. Maybe that failure will lead you to something much better than the dream had originally shaped up to be. I mean, I chased a dream when I got married. I failed. Epically. Doesn’t mean I am even close to finished with that dream. Nope, not at all.

We chase our dreams, we fail. We love, we hurt. We don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop and we are stronger because of it. Or maybe richer. Definitely sadder. But that’s only in the meantime. Another time is coming–a better time. So says the unicorn and fairy–both of whom DO NOT EXIST. Ha. The irony. But still, chase your dreams. You will fail. But then you will get back up and chase those dreams again and get closer this time.

Oh gosh, that spider is positively camped out for the night.

And so am I.

If you don’t hear from me again, I suppose you’ll at least have a suspect.

on the road to blonde

Posted by jessica on Nov 26, 2009 with 11 Comments
in photography, Thoughts and Feelings
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I woke up today with one clear thought.

And lately I’ve been inundated with many many questions, so this divergence was a relief.
The thought?
Gonna go blonde.
And so I called up a nearby Aveda salon and asked when they could take me. One o’clock came quickly and I walked in with my dark hair.
You really wanna go blonde? the salon owner asked, With those eyes?

Yep, I said with determination, I need a change.

And more of a change than the five pounds I’ve lost in the last week.
Well I can’t guarantee that you will walk out of here platinum blonde today, he told me, But we can start.
And I appreciate a straight shooter.
Four and a half hours and a few varying shades of red later, this is how I walked out.
And I like it.
But it’s a two-part process. I am going back on Tuesday and we’re gonna make this hair blonde, darn it.
But for now it’s a change, and I’ll take it.
The owner also told me that he was wrong about my eyes; apparently they work with lighter hair also, is what he indicated.
Yep, I see just fine no matter what color my hair is.