Mixed news.

The good news is that I auditioned for a production of Chicago today and stayed till the end. The dancing was fun and felt good. I felt like I sang it for real, for real–like to my potential. And I have to say, the line, Oh I’m no one’s wife, but–Oh, I love my life!–well, I do enjoy singing that. It feels good to be able to mean it, you know? But the bad news is that I did not have time to go home and grab clothes for my capoeira class after the audition. And have you seen Chicago? Um, it’s a sexy show, y’all. Black fishnets. Little trunks over them. Little black shirt. And honestly, that’s on the modest side of what some of the girls wear while auditioning for that show. But that’s what I ended up wearing to capoeira. Embarrassing? Yes. Will I remember to grab pants next time? Yes. Did I look ridiculous? Definitely.

The good news is that people are very friendly round these parts. I appreciate this; how nice and social of them, you know. But the bad news is that a lot of the particularly friendly ones are guys and they say they “want to get to know me” and I “wonder what that means (I just felt like quoting that, too, for some reason).” And I kind of know what that means, but I also don’t want to assume I know what that means and it’s all just a confusing mess and next thing you know he’s putting his arm around you and you’re very uncomfortable and you also have this distinct feeling that you are not in Kansas anymore.

The good news is that I figured out what I wanna do when I grow up as soon as I heard about this blogging fisherman girl (man girl? oxymoronic, I know) who works on an Alaskan fishing boat for three months out of the year and then lives off of those earnings doing whatever it is she pleases for the rest of the year. The bad news is that the only thing out of that list that I am even remotely qualified to do is blog. And I don’t think I’ll ever be a man girl. Which is actually okay with me.

The good news is that I want to travel. Around the world, I think. Live out of a backpack. Limit myself to four outfits, even. “And only two pairs of shoes?” my friend Betsy asked, incredulously, while we were discussing this plan last night. “You think you could do that?” she wondered. I nodded solemnly, as the amount of shoes a girl has is nothing if not a solemn subject, I think. But really, I own barely anything right now. Which means that not much owns me, if you think about it. I am freer than I have been in a while. So maybe I should go see some of the world. I mean, maybe. The bad news is that I am not sure I should do this alone. So, we shall see what God dreams up.

The good news is that tomorrow is half-off day at the salvation army thrift store. What-what. The bad news is that I’m probably gonna be too busy to stop on by.

The good news is that I went to my friend Clyde’s gig last night here in the city. Oh, it was lovely, and a kind of reunion for A Chorus Line folks, too. The bad news is that they all had reason to ask me, “How are you doing?” You know, with the head tilt. The softened and lowered voice. The indication that they know it’s been hell and they’re sorry. But I’m gonna round this one out with another bit of good news and say that I could honestly tell my friends that I am doing well.

You hear that, world? Well. I told them about peace and I spoke about it like it was a close friend of mine, rather than a distant land I dream of. I told them about how I’m growing like a weed, but maybe the kind of weed that makes flowers, because I feel my heart opening, opening, opening up to the world again. Maybe even blooming. I told them about how there’s so much grace here. In reality. In acceptance. And I couldn’t help but smile.

That’s been happening a lot, actually, which is, I suppose, more good news.