home and when I dreamt about the Ellen Show.
in Funny Stuff, Loved Ones, Performance, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as brilliance, button down, coffee table, ellen show, enough space, everything, friend john, home, Latshaw, pool table, SHE, sister, skinnier, skinny jeans, sky, space, stage, time, viscerally, way
When I am back in Pennsylvania, everything feels accelerated.
The time goes so quickly; the stars shine with this polished brilliance, like the sky has no wish for any traveler to be turned away, and it burns every last lamp to prove it.
“It’s good to have you home,” my mom tells me.
And then she asks me if the clothes on the pool table are mine. “I don’t think so,” I reply, really hoping it’s so–since I don’t have enough space for the clothes I have that are already accounted for.
“Well, they must be,” she reasons. “The jeans are skinnier than my arms and the underwear is very small and strange.”
My mom has a way with words.
And so I take the ‘very small and strange’ underwear she hands me; I find a place for the super skinny jeans and realize that I guess I did leave some clothes on the pool table, after all.
And, oh! Did I tell you how, the other night, I dreamt (not once, but TWICE!) that I sang on the Ellen Show?
Because I did.
And I don’t normally remember my dreams so viscerally, but this one, I do.
I was right about to walk onto that stage where the couch and the coffee table sit . And there is Ellen, looking adorable in her tailored trousers and cute button down shirt, when I hear this announcement:
AND THIS IS JESSICA LATSHAW. SHE GOES AROUND SINGING, “BABY, YOU AIN’T MY FRIEND.” SHE MUST BE VERY ISOLATED AND HAVE NO FRIENDS.
It sounded like the announcer felt sorry for me, and, honestly, I did, too, once I heard what he said.
But the good news is that I have many friends and don’t feel isolated at all. In fact, I love a little bit of alone time now and then–it’s akin to breathing–meaning, I find it absolutely necessary. And who knows? Maybe I will sing on the Ellen Show at some point. I mean, as my friend John says: miracles happen, so why not to me? That would certainly make my sister pretty excited. And, who am I kidding, it’d make me pretty excited, too.
Speaking of my sister, isn’t she beautiful?
Yes, I think so, too.
the mind is a breeding ground.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as beauty, Bill, breeding ground, call, grey blue eyes, ground, harmless thoughts, lovely creature, martha graham, moment, ocean, parking meter, Preferably, present darkness, thin girl, time, transcendent, transcendent moment, typewriter, wainscoting
Sometimes you don’t sleep enough at night. You wake up early, you don’t even open both eyes yet, but you decide it’s time to write.
It’s moments like these when one wishes they had a typewriter. Preferably by a window. One with wainscoting. I don’t know why wainscoting came to mind, but it did, so I wrote it down. I’ve learned to do that. Write things down that come to mind. The mind is a breeding ground. Little, baby, innocent enough thoughts are born there; they grow up to be Mozart and Martha Graham and Tennyson–shedding so much light on the beauty that already exists here, but now the rest of the world can see it, too; we step out of our present darkness for a brief transcendent moment and we think, It’s so lovely here. So achingly lovely–maybe I’ll stay here forever…But then a bill that is larger than our meager bank account becomes due or a parent makes us feel very small indeed and we forget the call to think higher, to see beauty, to be free.
We forget who we are.
Until the next transcendent moment shakes us from existing within the confines of our regrets and our fears, that is.
But, right, the mind is a breeding ground.
Those little thoughts.
Those harmless thoughts; they are the tiniest grey-blue puppy pit bull with matching grey-blue eyes that I saw chained to a parking meter the other day, while walking to the gym. He was one of the prettiest things I’d ever seen and I wanted to take him with me just about everywhere. ‘Oh, there is that tall and thin girl with the puppy the color of the ocean at dawn,’ is what people would say when they saw us.
But a puppy the color of the ocean at dawn soon becomes a dog who can bite, no matter what color he is. And there is a lot of responsibility that comes with handling that potentially dangerous and lovely creature. You don’t let a dog do whatever he wants, no matter how pretty or innocent he looks; because, eventually, the dog will ruin the world–or at least the fabric of your best drapes.
Drapes and wainscoting; I must have dreamt pure Jane Eyre last night.
I did perform at Sleep No More, which was not a dream, but was so dreamy, it might as well have been. All smoky and speak-easy-like, dimly lit with lots of sparkling pieces of jewelry hanging around the throats and wrists and fingers of women who looked to have stepped right out of 1939.
But back to the mind and how it’s a breeding ground.
The puppy and how it’s innocent until it’s not.
Our thoughts and how they can grow into grace, if we let them.
Unless we don’t.
So, here’s to our thoughts growing up to be Martha Graham, Mozart, and Tennyson. Or maybe even a simple, kind farmer in South Africa that neither of us will ever know, but whose life consistently makes the world a stronger, better, safer place.
And here’s to writing our thoughts down.
Even if we still haven’t opened up both eyes. Because the morning came quickly. Just as quickly as the night flew by while you spent it singing and rapping and talking and eating and platonically sitting on the laps of a couple of friends you’ve not been lucky enough to see for a while now. Not until last night, and on into this morning, that is.
managed and stuff.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as beautiful people, bouquet, business, contact, eaves, floorboards, gifts god, hard time, house, kind, life, Manager, music business, open doors, porch, quietness, reason, someone, time
I played the piano for a long time tonight. I played until the snow covered the floorboards of my parents’ porch; covered the wooden eaves of the house; covered the whole world, it seemed. Snow happens every year; but it always feels new, anyway. I like the parts of life that are like that; the [...]
a show and some thoughts and some socks, too. dry ones.
in Performance, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as confession, crowd, delicates, dry socks, facebook, gift, hand, irrational fear, kind, life, panties, precious gift, show, song, sound man, Taller, thought, time, underwear
I had a show last night. It was dreamy. Many people were packed into the small bar and they were listening. A listening crowd is a precious, precious gift; one that I don’t take lightly. The sound man snapped at me while sound checking. Confession: whenever someone yells at me, I instantly feel a). five [...]
Ain’t my friend (lyrics/chords).
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as baby, bridge, call, everything, feelings, fly, friendship, fuss, little bit, lyrics and chords, melodies, Oh-oh-oh, pain, redemption, song, time, truth, two cents, wanna, way
I’ve seen a lot of requests for the lyrics and chords of this song bouncing around the Internet. So, I figured I’d put them in one place to refer people to, when asked. It’s funny, when I wrote this song over the summer, I never imagined so many people would hear it, let alone like [...]
January 8th. Cheers.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Performance, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings
as art supplies, colored pencils, contraptions, January, Line, line of reasoning, Lucky, moment, nice things, night, pain, phonecam, reason, sketch pad, sketchpad, time, tomorrow, ukulele, veritable collection
Tonight, I was on the A train. Again. We really spend a lot of time together, me and that train. If it were a human, people would accuse us of being, like, together, I’m pretty sure. Lucky for both of us, it’s a train, and so there are no wild rumors flying. I was sitting there, [...]
how it happened that we played on the subway that day and you all know about it now.
in Funny Stuff, Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as And--before, anything, blah blah, case, case in point, commute, drummer, exposition, finger positions, firewood, glamour, grocery, grocery shopping, gym, hair, hipster, holes, jamming, kind, life, Live, part, point, seat, series, someone, subway, sweat, sweat pants, sweatpants, time, tirade, train, tuesday evening, uke, ukulele, video, world, youtube, youtube video
The next time you decide to wear your hair in pigtails, think long and hard about it. Because, see, you might just become part of a little video that gets to see more of the world than you do. I’m actually not upset about the pigtails, I just think it’s a little funny. And not [...]
subway shows.
in MP3, Performance, video
as bit, blog, capoeira, coming home, facebook, flippin, grocery, grocery shopping, home, little gem, phone, post, serendipity, subway, time, yoga
So, I was gonna tell you all about this. But then someone who had gotten the whole thing on his phone friended me on facebook and threw it up on there (ew. threw it up. just thought I’d point that little gem out). And if pictures are worth a thousand words, then I can only [...]
whiskey words.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as buy, cough syrup, draughts, emotional equivalent, equivalent, ethiopian, fancy prices, girl, love, melodies, pull, Shakey, sober moments, sobriety, steel guitar, story, time, whiskey, whiskeys
There are certain people who, just by being within earshot, make me feel like telling them every last thing I’ve felt or thought, seen or heard. I guess you could say they’re the emotional equivalent of a long hard pull of whiskey. Which reminds me of the ethiopian bar I went to last night. “It [...]
what’s been occupying my time since Wednesday evening in pennsylvania.
in Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as birth, birth center, black marker, boughs of holly, brand new baby, center, drinking, golden hour, grilled cheese sandwich, house, peanut, pennsylvania countryside, recording, recording music, show, singing christmas carols, sister, tape, time, tiny piano
*visiting my friend’s brand new baby at the birth center*singing christmas carols*attending my nieces’ play*singing at a house show*baking loaves (and loaves!) of bread*wrapping presents with my sister*drawing pictures*making cards*recording music*lots of yoga*eating (drinking?) a peanut butter milkshake*receiving oddly wonderful gifts–i.e.: an old school walkman, complete with large headphones and a real cassette tape with [...]
