let it be.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as arctic sea, change, job, kindness, long time, matter, sea, second, truth of the matter
Lately, some people have blamed me for what has happened to me.
And the truth of the matter is that I am not perfect; I never have been, nor will I be. And it is exhausting to try for perfection. Though, to try for kindness–to try for love–this is the kind of trying that turns right back around and fills you up. And you didn’t know it would happen like that, but you’re grateful anyway.
But it bothered me for a second, all this blaming. Maybe even a minute. And then I remembered that the truth is something that doesn’t shift and change. It doesn’t melt when the sun gets too hot and it doesn’t freeze and then float away on the arctic sea.
The truth tells the same story, over and over again–though it is not my job to always tell that story. Only if I want to, I suppose. But I’d rather live the kind of life that tells the same story over and over again. A good story.
Words are powerful, true, but they can be tricky and they often leave us to stand alone, wearing only our actions. And they hang on us like a lasting monument so dear, God, I pray it’s the kind of monument that I’d like to be wearing for a very long time.
So I think that I will not be bothered so much by the blame. I know what has happened; I know what has been done to me; I know the kind of story that I try for; and though it is not perfectly executed, it is still one that I am grateful to live.
you don’t come around here anymore.
in Performance, video
as face, hasn, November, October, song, truth of the matter, way
I wrote this song back in October. Or maybe November. And I was too embarrassed to show it then, because I didn’t want people to know that I wasn’t loved anymore.
I was still working really hard at pretending like things were good. My face would hurt from the way I’d arrange my features, thinking if I looked loved then maybe it would translate into reality.
I remember writing this and thinking in my head, You don’t know for sure that he doesn’t love you. I mean he hasn’t said it yet.
And no, I suppose he hadn’t. Not in so many words, anyway. But I knew it, I guess. I mean, I wrote this song. So I must have known something. And this was before I knew the whole and terrible truth of the matter.
But still, it’s hard to pretend at love, I think. Eventually it shows. And eventually you write a song about the way that it shows.
And so here it is.
in which I talk about piles and hope you understand
in I Lift My Eyes Up, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as God, key word, matter, pile, right combination, sentimental/inspiration, sketch, solving problems, something, Stuff, time to go home, truth of the matter, way
Close being the key word here. Cause really, I am not doing fine. Friends, kind people who care, keep asking me if I am okay and the truth of the matter is that I am not okay. But will I be? Yes. And something that makes me feel a little better along the way is [...]
