First page of the uarts archive.

waiting on George.

Posted by jessica on May 6, 2011 with 12 Comments
in Thoughts and Feelings
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I have decided that I have a boyfriend. His name is Frank. Or George. Yes, George. There was a really cute jazz player in one of my classes at UArts named George who I had a very secret crush on. I never said one word to him. But I sure did think he was cute.

But see, I am tired of talking to guys at bars. Tonight we played a set, and afterward, I got into the longest conversation with some guy. And I barely talked at all. He just kept on saying sentence after sentence about life on tour. Ha. I didn’t mention that I’ve toured for about two and a half years, cumulatively. I figured that would just prolong the conversation. At some point into the talk (in which I mostly just stared and nodded my head) he admitted to me that he is very shy.

False, I thought.
I SORT OF WISH YOU WERE SHY, I thought, too. And yes, I thought it in ALL CAPS.

Luckily, a girl I had just met started talking to me. I thanked her profusely with my eyes. And then asked her if the guy was still nearby. He had meandered on by then, but man, I really could have used George.

You know, my boyfriend.
Did I mention he plays jazz?
Oh, he’s really really good.

And then another guy. He told me that he loves our song, Boi Boi Boi. Though he called it Oh Boy. Anyway, he said he has this hip-hop artist friend who makes fantastic beats and would probably be interested in collaborating. Okay, then. So he asked for my number. You had me at hip-hop, I think, so I agree. Then he admits he wants my number, anyway. Not for music purposes. Oh Boy, is right.

George, where are you when I really need you?

I guess it’s nice to be flattered, but the conversations and the games and the fact that I am about as interested in these guys as most cats are in taking long luxurious baths. With Dogs. And then getting their whiskers plucked out, one by one. Well, all that is tiresome.

And tonight, I’m feeling it.

And I know, I KNOW. Life is really terrible, Jessica; guys hit on you. I realize that this is not even close to the end of the world and this is not a tragedy and there are real problems in the world and this is not one of them. It’s just, when I wasn’t single, it wasn’t an issue. I wasn’t single, period. But now, you know, I am. And the truth is, I will be in a relationship again at some point in time. But I just don’t want to go through all these boring conversations and weird date-ish type situations to get there.

So perhaps I will just date tons of guys. Fun. And I have the smile and nod down, which will be quite useful. And then perhaps I shall round up a bunch of cats, jump in the hot tub with them, pluck out our whiskers (well, if I had whiskers, anyway), respectively, and invite a few mangy dogs in, too.

Sorry to sound redundant, but: FUN.

DOUBLE FUN, I mean.

lullaby

Posted by jessica on Nov 11, 2009 with 10 Comments
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Performance, video
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There is a piano at this hotel.

It’s funny, whenever I ask the person behind the front desk if I can play the hotel piano, their first response is usually just a flat-out no. And I let them say that. Because I am so nice. And because I have no control over them.
But then I smile. I act very kind. And I ask them one more time. Or ask when a good time to play their piano would be.
And most of the time, they respond with a why don’t you play it right now?
And suddenly we are on the same team.
That happened tonight.
And settling down onto that bench, hearing the creak of the wood as I adjust to just the right spot, it’s like coming home.
Actually, my piano bench at home has some leather on it. And when I was writing an essay for my Freshman Writing class at UArts, I mentioned something awkward like hearing the sound of the leather stretch as I sat down to play. My amazing teacher who opened my eyes to the importance of a thesis statement as well as the evils of passive voice, graded it and sent it back with a question. In red.
Do you always wear tight leather pants when you play the piano?
Point taken.
Specificity is invaluable, folks.
And no, I don’t always wear tight leather pants when I play the piano.
Only sometimes.
Anyway, I played for a long time tonight. I wrote something, a song I guess, if it makes it that far. I really like the chorus, but have my reservations about the verses. So, we’ll see. There’s always more work to be done, isn’t there? More things to make, which is good news. Something to fix your heart on, something to bring you hope.
But here is a lullaby I like to sing.
It brings me comfort. Makes me think of parents. Or God. But generally of being loved and cared for.