hardy har har.

When I talk to my therapist, I often preface something I am about to say with, This probably sounds crazy…”

And then I say whatever it is I am saying.

And then she promptly disagrees with me.

In fact, she has not told me that I am crazy once.

Not even when I told her that I sometimes joke about what’s happened. You know, the whole my-husband-had-an-affair-and-that’s-just-some-of-the-story.

What, you’re not laughing? Well, okay. Maybe when I put it like that, it’s not exactly a knee slapper, but sometimes things just strike me as hilarious.

Like tonight, at a bible study.

We were talking about prayer and how we listen for God to answer some of our questions. And I was trying to make the point that sometimes, when it’s a really important decision, I don’t just listen for that often talked about still small voice. I also look for peace in my heart and the counsel of people I trust and you know, if it’s a door that is opening and is indisputably good. I mean, I don’t really just ask God really high stakes questions and wait for a yes or no and then run blindly on that.

But what I said was this:

I don’t just ask God questions and wait for an answer. Like…I never asked God who I should marry…

And then what I said dawned on me, probably right after it dawned on everybody else. And I remembered who I actually had married and what a disaster that turned out to be. So I quickly tagged on:

…But maybe I should have.

And all of us burst out laughing, every one of us in that room. I think someone even managed to say that they loved me, in between bursts of laughter, of course.

I felt myself get warm all over and I was good and embarrassed and for once, I was kind of speechless for a good minute or two. And afterwards, my friend Christian and I were talking about it and laughing again. That was just too good, Jess, he said. Of all the examples you could have brought up…!!!

And I know, I know. Ridiculous.

But also? Hilarious.