boo. nevermind.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as amish ways, cereal, course, darn, deference, hardwood, hardwood floor, house, kind, modesty, nevermind, rehearsal, Saturday, Saturdays, short shorts, stab, stoltzfus, tomorrow, wake, wonderful things
There are two wonderful things already in the works for tomorrow:
a). The lovely Mr. Stoltzfus, who my parents have hired to do some work on the house, will not be hammering hardwood floor directly above my room at 6:30 in the morning. This also means that I can wear my customary really short shorts while enjoying my cereal. I’ve been really making a stab at early morning modesty in deference to Mr. Stoltzfus’ Amish ways. Well, and the fact that he’s a guy who’s not related to me. That, too.
and also b). I do not have to wake up at 7:30 for rehearsal tomorrow. We are starting later in the morning and I am grateful. It’s gonna kind of actually feel like a Saturday. A sleep-in-kind of day. Well, sleeping in till 9, anyway. Which, compared to 7:30, is pretty darn nice.
Now, those are just the two wonderful things about tomorrow that I know about. Imagine all the good things that I don’t know about. All the good things that are hiding around the corner, crouching there and ready to say boo! in a very lovely and non-scary manner, of course. Although, I just imagined someone saying boo! to me in a lovely and non-scary manner, and it came across as rather creepy in the scenario I envisioned. Oh, well. My point is that there are good things that I still don’t know about. Some of them will be a part of tomorrow. Let’s just leave the whole BOO! part out of it, thanks.
*update* turns out Mr. Stoltzfus does not take Saturdays off, after all.
I’d be the waves, you’d be the shore.
in words all strung together
as bones, cruel teacher, drop, Faith, God, gravity, kind, love, niagra, ocean, reason, shape, shore, time, truth, wake, waves
I am not quite sure what part of the ocean I would be, were I suddenly to wake up all water, the cage of my bones having finally broken free of itself.
But just for now, I’m gonna say I’m the waves. And I’m gonna ask you–no, I’m gonna tell you–that I need you to be the shore. I need to be able to rise and fall, to crash down upon you again and again, to lose my shape into a thousand sprays and drops and foamy bits, and still find you here.
Underneath me.
All around me.
Taking and giving and being and, God, still here.
Still here.
I say it again, because it’s so hard to find; but in my own little world, where I am the waves of the ocean and you, my love, are the shore, I will say it as many times as I need to.
And like God, who spoke light itself into
being, who coaxed something from nothing, maybe I will say it until it is.
I mean, maybe.
I am sorry, for I think I lost my faith. I guess it was the time when I had accidentally become Niagra Falls. No, not the falls–I was just a small bit of water that stumbled upon the falls. And then I fell a greater drop than I ever knew existed; the shore was
gone and gravity was a hard, cruel teacher.
And now I keep waiting for the next great fall. I know I shouldn’t; but ‘shouldn’t’ hardly exists in the great light of what is. I keep waiting for you to leave. I make myself small and so quiet, hoping that maybe you won’t notice me so much. Because if you don’t even know someone is there, then there’s no reason to leave them.
But the truth is, I want to be the waves and I want you to be the shore and I want you to stay through all my pushing and pulling and rising and falling–yes, the truth is, I want you to stay.
That’s how it would be, anyway, if I were to suddenly find myself the ocean.
I think I’d be the waves and you’d be the shore; I think I’d find some kind of faith again; crashing into you, fighting you, loving you and finding you here, still.
otter party.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as analogy, appendages, bout, COME, date, everyone, everything, fall, fine, first date, hand, History, holding hands, Jess, nope, otter, otters, otters hold hands, party, point, Rat, river, sea otter, sell, sleep, snake, Snakes, someone, sound, spiders, wake
You probably already know this, but I’m a little late to the party. The party where everyone knows that otters hold hands while they sleep so as not to drift away from each other. Best party ever. I mean, have you seen otters? Already adorable. They have that down. But otters holding hands? COME ON. [...]
puppy love. no, really.
in Loved Ones, photography, Thoughts and Feelings
as cannot, ears, help, hug, life, love, many things, puppy love, safe, smile, someone, squint, wake, way
Sometimes I cannot help but wake up, smile in such a way to make my eyes squint like so, and hug a big dog. I am glad he lets me. There are so many things that make life good. I really don’t have to look far to feel grateful. It might just be his ears [...]
you can’t take it back.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as Canada, color of your eyes, consolation prize, dandelions, drew, feigned sleep, Jason, Josh, morning, romance sex, Secret, self, tiny cracks, wake, way
There are some things you just can’t keep secret. Like the color of your eyes. But a secret. It’s powerful. It’s the only key to a lock that’s otherwise fast. And you can’t take it back. So what do you do when you remember all the secrets that he knows? All the tiny cracks that, [...]
