ode to reliability.
in Thoughts and Feelings
as banana, being an artist, good question, goodness, ground, hand, home, indication, little red fox, middle school students, new ways, puppies, red fox, reliability, show, subway, time, way, while, yellow pants
I am tired, but I don’t want to sleep. Not yet, anyway. I feel a little sad tonight, but sad is better than nothing, right? Sad is just another indication that you are alive. And I am.
It’s funny to be an artist. Not like hahaha! funny. Not usually, anyway. Actually, the other day I was in the subway and wearing my yellow pants while walking by a group of middle school students. I heard one of them say, “She looks like a banana!” and then they all laughed. “Hahahahahaha!” and all the variations of that is what I heard. And the worst part was that I looked down in my right hand and I was actually holding a banana. As if to emphasize their point.
But, anyway.
What’s funny about being an artist is that in some ways, it just feels like I keep saying the same thing over and over and over again. Maybe I keep finding new ways to say it, but still, it’s the same thing. At least, it can feel that way sometimes.
Tonight I got home from playing a show and just looked at the puppies for a while. It does a soul good to see something so brand new. It also does a soul good to see creatures who are good and old. But these puppies. I think I’m gonna grow attached. That did not bode well for me last time, however. As far as being attached to puppies who are being sold, I mean. Though, to be honest, being attached to a man has not boded so well for me, either. Oh man, the word boded doesn’t sound quite right. But maybe most words don’t sound quite right when it’s 2:29 am and one is feeling a little sad.
But last time we sold puppies, I had a favorite. And when someone came and bought my favorite and took it home with them, it broke my heart. My parents found me sobbing in my room. That was a long time ago, and my parents still sometimes find me sobbing in my room.
How does everything change and yet, nothing does also?
Good question.
Good night.
Good little red fox that I saw on the road tonight.
Goodness gracious, let’s go to sleep and see if the morning doesn’t have something to say about how mercy and the sunrise are both things one can really rely on. And maybe reliable things aren’t exactly what you read about in poetry, but man, they are kind to the heart. They are nice, rich solid ground. Plantable ground. And I think the best kinds of things grow from it.
loved.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, Thoughts and Feelings
as bounce, broken hearts, contentment, cue, daisy, day, full bloom, gerber daisy, Happy, happy valentine, home, lump, many names, soft spot, spot, step tomorrow, tomorrow, Valentine, valentine s day, wait, yellow pants
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Tonight, I am hanging out with two very special people: my friends, Betsy and Todd. And Betsy made some adorable cupcakes and let me help her decorate them. I especially liked the broken hearted one. I have a soft spot in my heart for broken hearts, I guess.
Right now I feel very content. I don’t mind this feeling at all. No, wait. I do mind it, actually. In the sense that one should mind their manners, at least. I pay attention to this sense of contentment. I listen to it. I realize it. I tell it to please be at home here. I take a cue from Betsy and Todd and set out a gerber daisy in full bloom beside the guest bed, in hopes that contentment will know just how very welcome it is.
And Valentine’s Day.
It doesn’t hurt.
I think I will walk with a bounce in my step tomorrow and try to smile at as many people as I can. I will hope that love has found each and every one of them, just as it has found me, again and again, though I try to hide somtimes. I am ridiculous. I am like a child, pulling the blanket over my still form on the bed, thinking that love won’t know what the me-shaped lump is and so pass me by. But, no. Love finds me. It has so many names, love does.
God.
My parents.
My family.
My friends.
My pups and kitties.
Too bad I didn’t pack anything red to wear tomorrow.
I suppose my yellow pants will have to do.
May you be found in love . Always. Not just on the day that Hallmark made up, but every last one of them.
show!
in Funny Stuff, Performance
as blast, course, date, Definitely, drummer, heart, kind, landenberg, mojo, money, music, one of the guys, sentiment, show, stage, stranger, tonight, way, yellow pants
Tonight’s show. You guys. It was super fun. Like, I still feel it. All smiley and stuff. We played a full set at Mojo Main and there were four of us on stage making a pretty nice wall of music and then there were all these people listening. And the yellow pants club was in [...]
auditions, auditions.
in Performance, Thoughts and Feelings
as accompanist, audition, book readers, city, coffee drinkers, crazy thing, drink coffee, driving to the train, face, falling, fashion, kindred spirit, Line, person, rimmed glasses, sort, today, universal connection, Voice, yellow pants
I got up early this morning. I went to two auditions in the city. Would you like to know what I do to get ready for an audition? Well, today I wore these yellow pants. That was step one. You really can’t audition without pants. Unless you’re wearing a dress. That works, too, I suppose. [...]
it’s joyful somewhere. which sounds sadder than I mean it.
in I Lift My Eyes Up, Thoughts and Feelings
as auntie annes, falsity, gathering storm, God, groundhog, Jesus, news, part, pretzel, time, Trenton, way, yellow pants
I have a friend who once told me that he was thinking about Jesus a lot. I asked him what it was that he was thinking, and he told me that he liked to think about the things Jesus did on earth. The practical things. Like eat strawberries. He said that he wondered if Jesus [...]
